Thoughts of a Purple Haired Rebel
by Ditey
Summary: "No, Amy, you do not have a crush on your friend. You love Colin. Right now you shouldn't be awake thinking of him, you should be thinking about Colin"


A/N: Please read and review, as always. Hope you like!  
  
Legalities: Do not own Everwood, WB, Ephram...boo hoo.  
  
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Thoughts of a purple-haired rebel keep me awake past two-thirty on a week-night.   
  
I don't know why I can't stop thinking about him. He is, after all, my friend. My very good friend, at the most. I don't..like him.  
  
Well, actually, I do know why I can't stop thinking about him. Because we kissed. No, I correct myself. *He* kissed me.   
  
The scene plays itself over and over again in my head, every word, every action. And I know he leaned in and kissed *me*. Not the other way around. I have nothing to feel guilty.   
  
Then why don't I just let it go? I didn't cheat on Colin or anything. And even if I did, he wouldn't know. He's got amnesia in a hospital room!  
  
I'm sorry, Colin, I didn't mean it like that. But do know that even though we may have kissed, I didn't enjoy it.  
  
It was..well..just forget about it, Amy, just leave it at that. You didn't like it at all. Don't read into the feelings or anything. You didn't like it.  
  
Well, there was that little thud in my chest when he leaned in, and his lips were almost addictive..  
  
Oh, God.  
  
I so do not have a crush on my friend. I *love* Colin. Right now I shouldn't be awake thinking of *him*, I should be thinking about Colin.  
  
But Ephram was a good kisser.  
  
And his eyes. Such sensitive and caring eyes. Yet so intense and icy. And even if his appearance wasn't the thing that set my heart off, he was a great friend. He was there at the operation. And I did share more with him thatn I had shared with anyone in my entire life. What I told him that day in the mine was the truth.  
  
He was a miracle.  
  
No, Ephram said 'miracle', not me. He started all that crap. I was just spirited away with him. All I wanted to do was sit there by the cart and wallow in my self-pity and daydream about days at the beach with Colin. The usual. I didn't need a full-frontal violation of space. I was vulnerable, and he took advantage of me. It wasn't my fault at all.  
  
That's what I should keep thinking. And would I please stop *thinking*?   
  
No such luck.   
  
But, really, Amy, it wasn't like he seduced you or something like that. After all those mixed signals you were giving him..how else was he supposed to react? You were the one that was careless with a delicate man.   
  
Yeah, don't try to avoid it, you. You also sprung the whole 'always been by me' spiel, which so obviously translated to 'we're soulmates'. And all he did was take opportunity in his hands and kiss you. A kiss, might I add, you didn't mind whatsoever. If not very much enjoyed. And let's not forget that you were also quite deep into the kiss, if your conscience and Colin hadn't pulled you out of it.   
  
Inner-voice? This is Amy, your outer and more conflicted voice. Shut up.  
  
I did not enjoy it. And I was fighting to stop it! I had no control over the situation. It was like I was drugged the moment his lips touched mine.  
  
That did not come out the way I meant it to.   
  
The scene plays again in my mind. Once again, I see every color, I hear every sound, and I feel what I felt the moment it happened. I still wince during our conversation, through our alternating come-ons.  
  
"The only miracle in my life, is that your dad pulled out a map and decided to move here." Okay, so it sounded a little flirty.  
  
A moment of silence. Ephram looked deeply into my eyes, like there was something he needed to find. He probably found it, because he was suddenly a milimeter closer. And he leaned in and touched his lips to mine.  
  
Okay, it's coming now. Don't believe me Colin? Think I made it up? See the resisting. The pressure and force he's putting on me, to try and control me. I couldn't escape. Any moment, my arms are going to come flying out to hit him, but are subdued. See the resisting?  
  
Inner-voice, eat your hear out.  
  
The scene continues to play, and I watch closely to prove it to myself. The events are in more detail that before, so vivid that it feels like an IMAX movie. I pressed myself into the kiss, and my lips lingered on his for more than a few mere seconds. I began to open my mouth a bit..and suddenly pulled away violently.  
  
I sit there for a moment, still not able to believe that it happened. I run upstairs with some lame excuse, and leave Ephram at the bottom, perplexed and poignant.  
  
And then I realize the reason for doing this, for breaking the kiss. Not because I felt ashamed, or vulgar, or sympathetic, or manipulative. Not that I was cheating on Colin, or because I finally realized this was Ephram I was kissing. I was very well-aware of that.  
  
It was because if I didn't pull away before I opened my mouth, I may never have pulled away from Ephram's kiss at all.  
  
I lie in bed contemplating the revolutionary idea for quite some time. Is it true? Do I really like Ephram Brown? And the conclusions confuse me. I sigh.  
  
Okay, Colin. I promise you this. I tried to break the kiss off, and with good intentions. I can truthfully say that.  
  
What I can't truthfully say is that I didn't enjoy it.  
  
-Fin-  
  
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